The table next to you...

So you are looking forward to a date night, just you and your beloved , a quaint dinner for two. Why is it when this scenario actually plays out in your mind you forget about the table next to you? You know the unruly 5 year old that should know better, the ladies night out girls on their second martini and one has that voice that carries. But are you ever prepared for overhearing the young girl asking her date “when have I seen you last” and his reply is “well I have been in jail”. What? Did I just overhear that right? Did my husband hear it? I know that’s what I heard and yes he confirmed it. So now I am sitting next to a criminal and am hanging on to every word. When did jail become so normal? His date didn’t miss a beat. “ Oh, did I know that, please pass the salt.” “isn’t this fish delicious?” As I am planning an escape route for her in my mind, she is inquiring if the wine is chilled. Maybe I am judging, maybe he is a nice former jail patron but in my mind some things should be discussed over the phone and not over seafood.

how did I miss this?

I am shaking my head wondering, “ how did I miss this?” First of all, I am a huge American Idol fan. There is just something about that show that brings the critic out of me. I love to see the transformation of the “wanna be” sensation from their first audition to the stage. This often includes a head to toe makeover. It starts with Hollywood week and that’s when I first noticed it. There it was, not one or two but three tutu styled short dresses with so many layers of toile under the skirt it fluffs out like a mushroom. Huh? The only accessory needed for this dress is a stage mom, and the little girl that just stands while the others twirl. I have always considered myself fashion forward. I cut my Uggs in half way before they came out with the mini so I just don’t understand where I have been. I do know that the dress should come with instructions for sitting, do you tuck all that stuff under or let it just sit beside you? Ok, maybe that’s where I’ve been ignoring the trends and living in my practical no manual needed jeans.

Whoops....

Typeos, oh, I’m sorry, typos. I hate them. Why is it they always seem to happen? I remember picking my son up from his Student Government duties at his middle school impressed by the fact his job was to change the signage in front of the school. As we were leaving I proudly took a glance at his work. There it was Congradulations! Teacher of the Year! on display for the rush hour traffic.
It happens to us all. You write an email, push the send button, reread it and of course after its too late, cringe at the message. Texting is another playing field for typos. Its funny my big thumb, or my fat fingers are always to blame, not my failing eyesight!
Truth is, in this world of technology that’s in fifth gear our brains are sometimes stuck in neutral. So proofread, proofread and proofread again.

butt injection?

Death by a lethal butt injection? I am thinking what seemingly was a great idea at the time somehow got jaded. Maybe it was the wine, watching J Lo on Idol or just a new pair of jeggings that made 4 Brits fly from England to Philly to get silicone injections in their derrieres and besides they had done it before. Upon pulling up to the Hampton Inn I guess two of the four thought better of a fatback and changed their minds. That proved to be a good decision. After being injected with what police call an unknown substance sadly a twenty- year- old aspiring British actress died hours later. I am now finding out that this is becoming very popular. Talk about being behind the times, I am still learning how to manipulate my flat iron to its full potential. So for me, to get that ”baby’s got back” kind of butt , I’m going the safe route and taking a carb with me on my walk with my shape-ups.

thank you Steven Tyler!

“#*$@ a duck and see what hatches”, thank you Steven Tyler! Just when I thought the new season of American Idol would be nothing without Simon along comes Steven and “I don’t want to miss a thing”. Not only is he a poster child for just the right amount of nip and tuck, his authenticity as an American rocker, keeps me tuning in. He seems to have such a compassion for music and the wanna be singers that deliver it and he’s really funny. So Steven Tyler, don’t apologize to America, cause we are “crazy” for you!

Information highway...

Username, password, huh? I just want to make a comment. I just want to buy those too cute mini Uggs. Why must I log-in or sign-up. Isn’t it suspicious? What do you do with my information on the Information Highway? Certainly my particulars resembles one of those triangular road construction signs blown over by the wind or slippery when wet notices. Why is my email address so important that I must navigate my way through your instructions only to receive that RED, STOP sign of an exclamation point warning me of my infraction? Just so you can sell me insurance to cover my identity theft in case of an accident! I thought I65 south through Williamson County during the five o’clock rush hour was bad. Now I need online support or an opinion forum just to order my shoes. I know your policy is not to share my junk, but it sure makes me feel like I’m riding alone in the HOV lane.

Celebrity

Celebrity, the gift we just keep giving. Why is it in our culture we love to elevate someone to the status of celebrity? We all do it. Just check the history on your teenagers computer and you will probably find the newest You Tube sensation. Williamson County is proud of their newest find. She is the Communications Director for the school system and has the arduous job of announcing school closings due to snow. Getting a highly anticipated phone call from this celeb creates a frenzy of cheers and text messages planning sledding excursions across the county.

On the national level we have the gift of the pro athlete. We are razzle-dazzled by their razzle-dazzle. Their accomplishments on the playing field become our accomplishments helping us believe that we can be like, ok, Mike, if we just do it! We are so giving we have even made a logo famous!

So whether you are a housewife, an airline employee, a mechanic, a chef, a person losing weight, a hairdresser, a doctor, or even a five year old beauty queen you better be ready for your close-up because we just can’t wait to make you the next best thing.

Whats your status....

What’s your status?

Can you believe she likes that?

That’s a thumbs-up in my opinion.

Well according to the latest news feed hamburgers were on the menu last night.

I can’t believe my 14 year old is now engaged.

Yes it snowed not just at my house, but even my friend’s house, I saw pictures.

Oh the fabulous world of Facebook friendships. What was once a social site for incoming college students has become an information pipeline for the “I wonder whatever happened to” “lets see what’s happening with” or “ I like “ computer crowd. We make friends by clicking a button foregoing that awkward personal introduction followed by conversation way of the past. Friendship is now easy, we can briefly read about someone’s day and feel connected even involved. I look forward to the newest pictures and updates even if I haven’t personally talked to my friend in years. The fact that I accepted their invitation to friendship or they accepted mine means we are friends. No small talk, no catch up, we just pick up were we left off even if we can’t remember where that was. My friend’s friends are now even my friends. It’s a virtual world of visibility and popularity that appeals to all ages. So thanks Facebook, this is great, right?

What the?

It’s raining birds and the “bomb is in the mail”! What is happening? Some would have us believe and there is a billboard in Brentwood to remind us, that the end is near. I don’t know, the way I was raised, that day is a big secret to us all. I do know that reading about these events can be unsettling. I mean, why are birds dying in droves? Fireworks, maybe, electric wires, I once had an owl die from landing on our transformer, so perhaps. What makes a person hate so much they would want to kill innocent people? That I can’t reason away because it’s so unreasonable. I guess there are some things in this world we just don’t have answers for. But isn’t that ok, I mean who really wants to know if pro sports on TV are rigged or what in the world Tiger was thinking!

Hey there indecency....

Hey there indecency what’s it like in Hollywood? Your 2,000 miles away and we can’t get rid of you…

From a region that has brought us such stellar entertainment as the Bachelor and A Shot of Love With Tila Tequila comes the news that the FCC is now powerless over banning bare buns on television. Because of declining ratings, there’s no question mainstream networks will now use the fanny factor to get their viewers back. Really? This too? Isn’t sitting through the Viagra commercials enough? Now Backsides ? Aren’t our cheeks blushing already? Apparently in its own language the FCC has stated that all nudity isn’t indecent. What about the ugly butts? The fallen, the dimpled, the fat! There is no limit as to what we will see flipping through the channels on our way to the OFF button… I swear its true…

Lingerie Football?

The “Brentwood Babes in Bras” vs. the Nashville Naughties in Nighties, really? Is that what we want to see on a Friday night, Lingerie Football? Do we hire a babysitter and liven up our date night? For those of us wives, mothers, girlfriends or even sisters, that squirm and tighten our tummies when the scantly dressed cheerleaders or ice girls burst out during game breaks, are we ready for this? Is that where we are as a culture? Do we have to play along? I can see the lingerie advertisements now. Pick-up line panties, grocery store garters, soccer game sexy babydolls. Think about it, no more standing in the closet wandering what to wear. Just put on your power push-up and you are ready to conquer the day. So maybe we should thank those brash brazen bra wearing athletes, for making our lives just a bit easier.